Inspired by Siddhartha Hermann Hesse:
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| Dive in the Blues.... |
While I was searching for a noble Truth, I found the teacher and sutra could not teach me anything any more. I then, turned into myself, my own character, that I wanted to learn form my Self. Not that teacher and sutra were not sufficient, yet they portrayed the true nature of the universe. I myself could not understand the connotation insight the foremost meaning.
As soon as I refleced within, I discoverd I was so alient to my self-- I was afraid of myself, I did not like myself, I wished to destroy myself, I was fleeting from myself, to a fantasy, to an innermost nucleus of all things, an Absolute. I was lost, lost in the forest of seeking, alienating from the reality.
I wish I can become like Siddhartha, that everything is suddently existing clearly to him: he, who was in fact like one who had awakened or was newly born, must begin his life completly afresh!
At this moment, I felt I do not belong to any keen, any class, any organization; I do not belong to my parents, to my lover, to any sharing of smiliar interests. I, for the first time, feel so alone.
No, I do not seek for realtiy, or the other shore, as this will not lead to true awakening, nor ultimate happiness. The world appear to me so simple, beautiful, and childlike as I begin my journey to wonder in the universe.
